Step 1: Realize that you're only human.Say mantras to yourself such as, Everyone goofs up now and then, or Guess I'm human after all! Reinforce this line of thinking by reminding yourself of people you know who've dealt with the same setback you're facing. You may even start feeling affection for your idiosyncrasies and flaws as you realize that they're just part of what makes you you.
Step 2: Feel your pain.
Rushing through or denying your bad feelings won't make them go away, but wallowing isn't healthy, either. Mindful acceptance allows you to face your pain and then move on. "If you get mentally lost in blaming yourself or others, you prolong your suffering," notes psychology professor Kristin Neff, Ph.D., of the University of Texas at Austin. "But if you simply allow yourself to feel the emotion and let it run its course—which is often a wave that builds and tapers off—it dissipates much more quickly."
Step 3: Talk to yourself with kindness.
Now that you've moved past the difficult feelings that often come with life's obstacles, focus on comforting yourself. If you can talk to yourself as mercifully as you would to your best friend, you'll start to see yourself as worthy of that care and forgiveness. And eventually, you'll be able to tap into that self-loving mind-set whenever you're in a tough spot.Learning to be more loving toward yourself also brings a less obvious but equally important benefit.
